thanks for visiting…

i have found more blogs and added them to my daily reads, they are:

http://www.mipmup.com/
http://anewmebutthesame.blogspot.com/
http://www.blogher.org/
http://girlsthateatpizza.blogspot.com/
http://shapingmyway.blogspot.com/

work is so slow and boring right now… there are several projects in the works that will probably hit while i’m gone and you know what, i’m not going to worry about it… this camping trip was planned and damnit, i deserve a vacation and i’m going to enjoy every single second… i even told eric that i plan on taking a walk every morning before breakfast, hopefully he’ll want to join me…

happy hump day…

i was all set to go to spinning last night and when i got to the metro station, i checked my gym bag to make sure i had everything… no socks were to be found and if i hadn’t worn loafers w/no socks to work, i wouldn’t have gotten blisters which would’ve killed on the bike… so i hightailed it to target instead and then to the grocery store… i did some laundry and then had a lazy night at home w/the kitties - still have no idea when miss zoe is going home, haven’t heard from my sister…

went for a walk today and boy is it hot outside (note to self: don’t wear black when its hot and sunny)… felt nice to get out of the office for a change esp. since it hasn’t been very busy workwise… i know i shouldn’t complain but it just makes the day go by even slower… july however, will be busy since i have yet another big project to work on - this just hasn’t been my year… geesh…

happy tuesday (still?)

my weekend was good, got to hang out w/mom and pick strawberries at a local orchard (been doing this since i was little)… and then we stopped by to see some friends of mine and their kids, their baby is getting so big… eric and i relaxed on sat night and then did a ton of errands and things around the house yesterday… we even got in a great motorcycle ride in the country, gotta love finding new roads that aren’t full of traffic…

went to the gym today so i’m 1:1 this week… i may try and go spinning after work, traffic depending and food’s been okay - i’m trying not to focus on my weight until after vacation… tonight i need to stop by target and return some pants which means, i’ll probably spend what i get back (and more)… this is probably the last night i’ll be cat-sitting zoe (my sister’s cat), i’m sure max will be happy when she leaves - all she does is hiss when he gets near her… i will miss her though, its been nice having some furry girl time…

happy monday…

eric and i will be camping next weekend in deleware so i have decided to put off start a new challenge when we get back… i plan on getting exercise everyday though since we ride our bikes to the beach and there are plenty’o trails for walking… there’s also the beach where i can talk walks and look for shells (yes, i’m still 12 years old)… i already bought supplies for s’mores and i’m looking forward to every single, gooey one i’m going to have in front of the campfire… anyway, i’m excited about going away and hope the weather cooperates - last year we went over labor day and had THE best time (and weather)…

i’m still trying to get thru my diet survivor’s handbook but since i hadn’t been feeling well, reading was the last thing on my mind… it really focuses on listening to what your body tells you and stop comparing yourself to women in magazines and tv shows that are NOT an ideal weight to begin with… all women are different and that includes shape, size and weight and the sooner you accept your ‘uniqueness’, the sooner you will be happier in the here… how many of us say, “if i could just lose 10 pounds i will…” or “when i get to XXX pounds i will…” on a daily basis? if you really think about it, its like saying your not going to be happy until you get to that point - well, what about now? why are we so focused on “what if’s” and not “right now”… just makes me wonder sometimes and yes, i’m guilty as everyone else… its really helped me look at who i am today and how far i’ve come in this journey…

happy thursday…

i need to get back to working out, for one thing - that is the major hurdle that i must i get past and the rest will be easy… i have toyed w/not doing WW anymore and maybe just count calories but then i’d still be keeping track of what i’m eating and i think i need a break… this book i am reading says that when you diet, you’re focusing on everything else but what your body is really saying… it will tell you when its hungry and when its full and when its craving something… dieting also causes you to label things as ‘bad’ or ‘good’ or ‘fattening’ etc. which can have negative impact… but do i really want to stop keeping track of things? i don’t know but i need something - i need some sort of guidance that i can follow because clearly, i keep losing interest…

the book also talks about how dieting can force some people to not love themselves as they are… i’m not saying that being overweight is healthy but we all know that women tend to see themselves a lot bigger than they really are (me included)… are we that guilty of always wanting to be better, thinner, and more like “so and so”? will we be that much happier 10 pounds lighter? it makes me wonder sometimes… one thought i had - what if i stopped over analyzing food/exercise and just lived my life for once? what if i ate reasonable meals, got in my exercise and indulged once in a while? if i’m meant to be this size/shape forever, then so be it… i mean, who am i trying to please? and what’s the benefit to making myself feel terrible everytime the scale says a high number OR if i’m over my points? nothing… life should be more than that, shouldn’t it? i cant’ be the only one that thinks this way, right?

i’m also in the process of starting a new blog since this one feels outdated for some reason… as soon as i know what my plan of attack is going to be, i will give you the new address… i feel the need to change everything when i’m starting over, fresh starts are good…

happy monday…

i’m feeling a tad better since monday’s whole meltdown… i did some research on therapists and found out that i can either (a) go on a budget in order to afford it OR (b) find an alternative option (i think we have a free health service here)… the books i ordered (diet survivor’s handbook and stumbling on happiness) arrived today so i’m anxious to begin reading them… eric said he found my posting helpful and wished i had talked to him about my past more - its not like i intentionally keep things from him, i just find when i’m writing my thoughts - more come to light… its always been easier to write my feelings than to talk about them - i will probably always struggle with this so its an ongoing challenge…

i haven’t worked out since tuesday but at least the scale is showing a lower number each day… i’m not sure when i’ll see 161 again considering i’ve been slacking off but i can’t let that bother me… i know part of the reason i’m disinterested is because of my mood and being tired of everything - one reason i bought those books… i am so easily distracted these days and still haven’t gotten to the point where diet and exercise are part of my daily life… i have no one to blame but myself - no one is stopping me from going to the gym OR from eating w/in my range… an endless circle and it nevers get easier…

all i can say is, i’m looking forward to this weekend, seeing my family and going to pittsburgh to spend a few days with eric’s family… we are taking the harley and plan on taking some roadtrips and hitting the zoo as well - i hope the weather cooperates…

happy almost the weekend…

i always feel worse when i’m sick so eric was doing his best (god love him) to take care of me when he got home… all i could do was cry which is what i needed to do and by the time he took me for some sushi, i was feeling a tad better… i was upset because i had to go home and he, once again, reminded me that he’s asked me to move-in and refuses to take out a loan for my engagement ring… i don’t want him to go into debt over a silly ring and if i just said ‘yes’ to moving-in, i wouldn’t be like this every monday… but i can’t - i just don’t feel its right so call me stupid for having such old fashioned values in such a f-d up modern world…

so, if i’m refusing to move-in w/him until we’re engaged - why can’t i just move on and stop acting like a fool every time our weekends are over? i really can’t answer that - i’m just too emotional i guess, i’ve always been like this… maybe it stems from my mom moving out when i was 16 and leaving me to care for my dad (who suffered from depression and wouldn’t get out of bed) and a house and go to school and work… i always feel like i’m going to be left alone and that terrifies me… i don’t want to be come codependent on anyone (been there, done that) so i seriously need to think about therapy again, maybe it would do me some good…

sorry for such a serious post but i’m just speaking what’s on my mind today…

anyway, on a good note - i have added some new blogs to my list, one of them being http://aweightyissue.blogsome.com/ … she has some good entries and because of this blog, i’m going to go out and buy the Diet Survivor’s Handbook… i think i need to be remotivated yet again… *sigh*

have a good tuesday…

plans for today are finish breakfast, pack up the cat and my stuff, and head over to eric’s… he is helping a friend move a couch so i may go buy some flowers and wash my car while he’s gone… course it looks like its going to rain so maybe i won’t be doing that afterall… that’s okay, there’s always plenty to do around his place like laundry or cleaning up the kitchen (yes, i’m a neat freak and it drives him crazy)… i could’ve gone to spinning but didn’t, not sure why i don’t make more of an effort to go anymore - once i’m out of a routine, its crazy hard getting back into it…

enjoy your saturday!

god knows what all that drinking will do to my weigh-in tomorrow so i’m not going to expect a victory like last week (way to stay positive, jodi)… i will have to take my measurements though and am hoping to see progress in that area at least, pilates should be helping as well as my ab work i’ve been doing… today is supposed to be my cardio day and being that i’m tired, that’s the last thing on my mind plus i’d rather walk outside and its raining right now… my boss seems to think the office will close early today so if that happens, maybe i’ll go home, take a nap and then do some walking later… we’ll see…

hope you all have a great weekend and enjoy the weather, wherever you may be…