my journey to being thin(ner)

between my allergies and having nothing to do at work yesterday - i was a mess… i didn’t plan well for lunch so i had to buy a sandwich from downstairs - i’m sure that was like 10 points… i skipped the gym cus i was feeling awful and was afraid to step outside incase my allergies would get worse… ever have just one of those days where you get home and just sob? okay, maybe i’m just weird…

i always feel worse when i’m sick so eric was doing his best (god love him) to take care of me when he got home… all i could do was cry which is what i needed to do and by the time he took me for some sushi, i was feeling a tad better… i was upset because i had to go home and he, once again, reminded me that he’s asked me to move-in and refuses to take out a loan for my engagement ring… i don’t want him to go into debt over a silly ring and if i just said ‘yes’ to moving-in, i wouldn’t be like this every monday… but i can’t - i just don’t feel its right so call me stupid for having such old fashioned values in such a f-d up modern world…

so, if i’m refusing to move-in w/him until we’re engaged - why can’t i just move on and stop acting like a fool every time our weekends are over? i really can’t answer that - i’m just too emotional i guess, i’ve always been like this… maybe it stems from my mom moving out when i was 16 and leaving me to care for my dad (who suffered from depression and wouldn’t get out of bed) and a house and go to school and work… i always feel like i’m going to be left alone and that terrifies me… i don’t want to be come codependent on anyone (been there, done that) so i seriously need to think about therapy again, maybe it would do me some good…

sorry for such a serious post but i’m just speaking what’s on my mind today…

anyway, on a good note - i have added some new blogs to my list, one of them being http://aweightyissue.blogsome.com/ … she has some good entries and because of this blog, i’m going to go out and buy the Diet Survivor’s Handbook… i think i need to be remotivated yet again… *sigh*

have a good tuesday…